Corporate Law

I got this figured out...

Everyone needs to know their niche and responsibilities right? Well here is a breakdown of our familial hierarchy...

Chief Executive Officer-my husband
I'll give him that. Dr. Laura would be proud. But before you worry that I've left my bra-burning days behind forever, you should understand that it's really just an honorary title and he knows it BECAUSE...

I am the President of Production and I don't mean reproduction, I simply mean if something needs to get done, I do it. Why wouldn't I? I'm on the job, on sight, on call 24/7 (I hate that terminology but it gets the point across.) I would be worthless if I wasn't in charge.

So this got me thinking...

Does that mean the children are my employees? And if they are, does that entitle me to all rights and privileges bosses have over their subordinates because I would like to FIRE one of my unruly little subjects!
hmmm?

What privileges do you have as boss?

Guilty Pleasures

So I'm taking one of my sister's posts and rolling with it, and I'm stealing it from some other blog too, so add that to my lack of creativity. Of course I did add my own twists/version. Does that make me a little less dull?

Favorite Don't Look at my I-Pod Song:
Juanes-Blame it on my husband, he brought it home from Paraguay. It's really bad when I sing along-since I never know half the words to a song anyway-and my Spanish singing voice is worse than my English dying-cow singing voice. Believe me, my daughter requests that I don't sing bed time songs to her. (don't forget to listen to a little Juanes too)

Favorite Tabloid Magazine:
People-when I get hair done I always sit under the blow dryer reading about Bragelina, TomKat or whoever else is dysfunctional, pregnant, or in rehab. When my sister worked in a salon I would always ask her to bring me a box of candy and a smutty tabloid. It's very relaxing and scandalous all at once. Very therapeutic to realize your life is not so bad or crazy.

Favorite Movie You'd Never Admit to Loving-
Well I can't tell you or I'd be admitting it. Oh okay, I did once long, long ago watch Love, Lies and Murder, a Lifetime Channel original, and it was disturbingly entertaining. Did I mention I was 12 or maybe younger? Sister do you remember that?

Most Embarrassing Celebrity Crush-
Jacob Black, he's like 16, and I snickered in the movie theater during New Moon when he took off his shirt.

TV Show You Most Want to Be on-
LOST-of course. As long as I don't meet my demise by ending up as Smoke Monster chow. Have you noticed a recurring fear. I think between my two blogs Smoke Monster has been mentioned several times this year. Just typing it makes me tremble. mufassssaaa

Songs that Make You Want to Table Dance-
"Biggie, Biggie, Biggie can't you see, sometimes your words just hypnotize me and I just love your flashy ways." If you've ever watched "10 Things I Hate about You," (husband) went to Digitzzz, (Audrey) or graduated in '99(some of you), you totally know what I'm talking about. Oh, and by the way, it's not singing if you can't hear my voice.

Best Kiss in a Movie
The kiss between Julia Ormond and Richard Gere in First Knight. It's not so much the best, as the most memorable and maybe not for the best reasons. ouch

Favorite Trashy Novel
What? I only read upstanding, quality literature but, say you were looking for a trashy novel to read I've heard The Constant Princess would fulfill that quota, and since it's historical (the story of Catherine of Aragon) it's completely legal.
But wait there's more...
Scarlett-the sequel to "Gone With the Wind" is terrifically trashy. It's like candy, you know it's bad for you but you can't stop.

Favorite Movie to be Depressed By-
A River Runs Through It. I've loved this movie for a long time but yeah, it's depressing.

Well now you know a lot more unnecessary details about my life and its your turn to share-pick one or pick em all but let's hear it.

Seriously, I am SOOOO blessed

How many times have we heard girls, LDS and non alike, gush about how rich and deep their lives are. Sometimes I feel jealousy (Oh why can't my life be so perfect) or I feel disgusted (Oh you liar. We all know you tried to kill your husband with your car) and sometimes I feel agreeable. Today I truly do feel blessed, like life can't get any better. I have a wonderful husband, a beautiful daughter, a cute little house, a pretty, LOUD car and I am genuinely happy......

DON'T WORRY, THE BUBBLE DOES BURST!!! Chaos ensues on a daily basis. My pots and pans are strewn from one end of my house to the other, my carpet needs a daily vacuum, due to a certain little girls need to crush every other cracker she eats, and there is always a strange smell that drifts from the trash can when the lid is up.
I think it is interesting how people handle these situations in their lives. They either 1.feel blessed any way and just grateful for what they DO have. 2.come apart at the seems and curse all the Deity in the universe. or 3.smile with serenity and know that everyone has problems.

I regret to inform you folks, I am #2. I think I am genuinely happy, but have a temper and little patience for the ignorant. I see the world as full of evil people just striving to be good. Hopefully one day I will be #1.... probably not.
What are you????


I ALSO CHALLENGE ANY ONE WHO WANDERS BY THIS BLOG, WHICH CONTAINS THE RAMBLINGS OF TWO MAD GENIUSES, TO MAKE THEIR PRESENCE KNOWN!! JUST FOR FUN!! EVEN IF YOU ARE TOO SHY TO SAY, "YES I READ." LEAVE AN ANONYMOUS COMMENT SAYING, "JANE DOE WAS HERE". I THINK IT WOULD BE FUN TO SEE IF ANYONE REALLY CARES ABOUT MY (our) RANTINGS!!! THANKS!!!

Things That Are Acceptable

1. Screaming obscenities at 3 hour unmoving traffic jams
2. Leaving items you don't want on random shelves at walmart
3. Popping a stray cat with an air soft gun. It doesn't even hurt them
4. Refusing to accept your current pants size
5. The desire to hit the over-friendly store clerk
6. Not answering the phone (caller ID was invented for a reason)
7. Texting when you don't want to talk
8. Pretending to be interested
9. Closing your eyes at church, just to block out the annoying child STARRING at you
10. Pretending to be VERY interested in what your friend is saying, to avoid eye contact with someone less desirable.

What is acceptable to you!?

Road Rules Update

In light of the recent road trip my husband and I currently embarked on, let me inform you of the current additions to our "rules." (our little things to live by each day that keep you safe and happy.)

• Property for sale that is advertised on a abandoned truck in spray-paint is not a good deal/investment opportunity. Even if it is 34 acres of prime desert wasteland.
• No buying suits off of the side of the freeway, even if traffic is really slow. Suits require dressing rooms. Also if you are going to peddle stolen goods at least have the decency to remove dry-cleaning tags.
• No purchasing food prepared off of a hot plate in a stroller. I truly witnessed women cooking hot dogs on a hot plate balanced on a Winnie-the-Pooh stroller. I guess my children are wasting the potential of my double seated jogger.
• If a homeless, shirtless man with a nose that looks like it was once munched by a pit bull wants to sell you a rose, you throw him $2 and run like hell.

Well there you are. The rules are vast and varied but I think they will protect you and keep you happy.
Have you had any updates to your rules?

Pants on Fire

I dream A LOT, vividly and incredibly detailed. There are no limits, bars or method to my madness. I gave up analyzing them. I gave up writing them down, too disturbing. I gave up trying to prevent them. However, one thing I really wish I could give up are the reoccurring dreams. Variety is the spice of life. If I'm going to have wacko dreams at least let me embrace the craziness and not have to deal with the mundane. SO, among the handful of reoccurring dreams, which I may share with you at a later date, the most often is this...
THE TEETH DREAM (you may even have it too)
The dream where your canines, molars, incisors, and whatever else is in there, all comes crumbling and falling out of your mouth one-by-one in a bloody drool pool that cause you to choke. Whereby you wake up gagging, spitting and vowing to brush three times or more a day with extra flossing.
I used to think this meant one of two things (this is before I gave up analyzing.)
1)The dentist was using his magic powers to summon me to his drill. (Can you tell I have a little phobia?)
OR
2)My body was lacking calcium (I don't like milk) and this was it's way of telling me to chug the white stuff.
HOWEVER-
My friend LC informed me I AM WRONG. What it really means is...(drum roll please)
You are a...(extra suspense)

LIAR!!!

I immediately scoffed, rebuked and hummpphhed. I am not a liar, I'm really bad at lying and then I read this article (sorry no reference I read too much and can't remember what magazine it was in) that said you were a liar if you...

-sucked in your gut to appear skinnier
-told your kids their "pet" went to the farm
-informed someone you liked something, even if you did not, just to be nice
-downloaded music/movies/whatever without paying for it
-copied out of book
-left your 16-year-old self's weight on your drivers license
-wore colored contacts, a padded bra etc
-don't tell your age
-said your day was going good, even when it wasn't
-didn't answer the phone even though you were home

on and on and on and on

Guess what? I am a liar, a big fat one, with my pants on fire, hanging from a telephone wire and ALL. But at least you now know the truth!

So, what's your "lie?" And don't even say you don't lie or I will curse you with the dream.

Book List for 2009

Here it is my top 5 favorite books I read this year. I read about a book a week. AND no I'm not asking for recognition, if anything I'm ashamed of my patheticness. My favorite thing to do is stay home curled up and read, it's also the only thing to do when my kids are in bed by 7:00 and my husband is at school. But back to the list. I think there is something for everyone but I must admit I have a weakness for a happy ending.

PS-I'm really bad at writing reviews and conveying the true joy of the book. If you are interested in any of these stories look them up here and I'm sure you will find a more in-depth, educated review.

#1

My favorite book of the year...The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society. This book is in letter format, which takes a while to get used to. However, once you get into the book you will be wrapped up in the wonderful characters and forget you were ever annoyed with the letters. The setting is post WWII. This is a story that will stay with you not only because of it's humor but also the touching parts that move your heart. wheew i sound like a bad movie trailer

#2

This is a great coming of age story. I loved Calpurnia, she is a great character. I think that the true reason I enjoyed this book as much as I did was because my 12 year-old-self would have been best friends with Cal. I often found myself laughing out loud at her and grandfather's antics. There are so many quotable quotes in this book.

#3

I don't know why it took me so long to read this classic. Maybe because I steer away from the Bronte "darkness" (Wuthering Heights-anyone?) but I loved Jane Eyre. It was just the right amount of conflict, darkness, love story, plain Jane triumph to please me. Plus I love how dramatic, arrogant and naughty Mr. Rochester is.

#4

Soothes the soul. Life perspectives from a dying preacher. I loved the spiritual connections and literary beauty throughout. I was amazed by the author's ability to take so many random stories and thoughts and weave them together to form such a wonderful book. Calming (but keep in mind that may mean boring to some people.)

2005 Pulitzer

#5

What an inspirational man/book. Three Cups of Tea...will broaden your horizons and change your perspective. Some parts are slow/text-bookish but it is so inspiring you will want to continue reading.

BONUS

hehehe I know, I know I'm on the bandwagon too! I can't help it I really liked all the action and craziness. I think I even liked Catching Fire better. Be smart like my sister and wait until they are all out to start reading them. Spare yourself the agony of waiting until August 2010 for

book 3.

So what book did you love for 2009?