My Dirty Little Secret

I've been holding this precious little nugget of a secret for awhile now. I thought it up this summer after contemplating how to take advantage of wasteful gov't resource/spending. It's hard to follow the ping-ponging, chain of thoughts formulating in the hamster wheel I call a brain, so I'll get to the point before I start blah blah blahing too much.

A few Sunday's ago my husband was asked to share a few thoughts to the church congregation to fill up time. An unprepared (basically) spontaneous moment of spirituality. Keep in mind our services are currently in Spanish, so unless I wear a headset, that never works and my children try to a)strangle me with or b)munch, I only have a vague idea of what's going on. My Espanol is currently limited to basic nouns and explicit adjectives! So, I was listening to my husband and following along as best as I could, getting the overall praise he was pouring out to me and then he started to laugh in a kindly manner and the rest of the hermanos chimed in. I smiled my best supportive wife smile and lovingly gazed into my husband's eyes and then grabbed the pilot, stylus supreme pen my daughter was using to break the 6th commandment. After he sat down I thanked him for his kind words, he smiled and asked if I had understood and I said "yes, for the most part," and we went on with toddler UFC, I mean church.

What I didn't know was that the cat had been let out of the bag. My secret wish blasted from the pulpit by my own husband. I didn't know the bishopric now knew I wanted to to to jail until the 2nd counselor asked me about it? Yes, you heard correctly, I'm contemplating jail. Guilty, pre-meditated, tax-fraud jail. In a state of desperation I decided jail wasn't so bad-no cleaning, cooking, kids or money and I could lay all day on my bed and read. Sounds great right? Except those other minor details I'm feigning ignorance of.

Of course I would never dream of sharing this with anyone but my closest of amigas but alas, the whole LDS Spanish speaking community now knows. And I think they are afraid I'm planning something drastic, as anyone walking in front of me keeps glancing over their shoulder. So if you see me and run, know that I will understand, but for the record it was just an ill-guarded secret.